An Adoption Story
I remember distinctly the stillness and darkness of the night as we walked up to the hospital door. A security guard let us in. "We're going to the NICU to see our daughter" we said. The NICU was brightly lit but subdued, except for an occasional beep or buzz from one of the incubators. Our daughter was born six hours before and we were so anxious to meet her. In some ways, we felt we already knew a little bit about her.
Fran, her birth mom, had told us she was very active and busy and she had hiccups a lot while she was carrying her. We were somewhat nervous of course, because she was only 3 ½ lbs and 5 weeks early. In the back of your mind you can't help but have doubts about your commitment if something is seriously wrong, but as we walked up to her it really didn't matter. I knew she was ours and we would love her no matter what the situation. She was alert and so bright eyed. Her features were so delicate and she was so tiny, but underneath it you could tell that she had a very strong will and constitution. I held her for a long time, just staring at her dark almond eyes and perfect nose, thinking "this is our child".
That night, when we got back to the hotel, it was so hard to sleep even though we had just driven 10 hours straight and spent 3 hours with her. We had decided to name her Grace, with Fran's blessing, only 2 weeks before. We wanted her to take Fran as her middle name. I guess I wanted Grace to always have a little bit of Fran with her and this was one small way to make that happen. We quickly bonded with Grace, spending hours upon hours with her in the NICU. We were two weeks into our journey when we got the devastating news. Fran had decided she wanted to raise Grace herself.
I remember everything moving in slow motion that day and the next few weeks were the most difficult of our lives. We both had felt we'd lost our child. Through it all, I could never blame Fran. Grace was perfect and Fran is a very together person. She clearly loved Grace and while I was so sad for us, I could understand her decision. After a week had passed I was able to pack up a few of Grace's things and the photo album I had made for Fran and sent them along with a note, wishing her well. For me, that was cleansing and the only way I could put it behind me.
A few weeks later, Karen called us with the most wonderful ne
ws. Fran wanted us to raise Grace after all. From here on our experience has been beyond our wildest expectations. We feel such a connection with Fran. We frequently send pictures and Fran has also sent us pictures of her and Grace while they were together. I feel so happy for Grace that she will have a complete story of the beginning of her life, even during the phase we missed. And in hindsight, I am thankful that Fran had the opportunity to spend time with and think about what she wanted for Grace. We call each other every month or so and just before Christmas Fran came to visit Grace. I was nervous before her visit but now I feel even more secure in our relationship with Fran.
Grace is now just over six months old. She's always happy and good natured and has grown like a weed. Even now, we're still fighting over who gets to change the dirty diaper or who gets to feed her in the middle of the night. We just can't seem to get enough of her. She has enriched so many people's lives. Although we had a rough ride, we would do it again in a heartbeat. And we will as we begin the process for adoption number 2!