Pregnant
and Considering Adoption:
Frequently Asked Questions?
Do
the services provided by Bright Futures cost me anything?
What
if I’m not sure adoption is right for me, can I call and talk
with someone at Bright Futures?
Do I get to pick the
parents for my baby?
Do I have
to tell the father of my baby that I am considering adoption?
Should I tell
anyone else that I am considering adoption?
Who names the
baby?
Will I
be able to see the baby in the hospital?
What if
my baby is not healthy?
Can I work
with Bright Futures if I don’t live in Massachusetts?
Why would
an adoptive family want to parent my baby?
What do
I have to do legally to place my child?
Does my baby
have to go to foster care?
How
will I know my baby is okay after placement? Can I see my baby
after the placement? Can I talk to the adoptive parents?
Do the services
provided by Bright Futures cost me anything?
No. Counseling and
all other services provided to you by Bright Futures are free
of charge. top
What
if I’m not sure adoption is right for me, can I call and talk
with someone at Bright Futures?
Yes. Our counselors
are here to help you understand and consider all of your parenting
options. We will assist you in making the decision about whether
to parent or make an adoption plan for your child. Bright Futures
will not pressure you in any way to choose adoption. There is no “right” or “wrong” decision;
there is only the decision that is best for you and your child
given where you are in your life right now. top
Do I get to pick the parents for
my baby?
Yes, you will
have the opportunity to select the adoptive family and we are
happy to help you with this decision. The process begins with
considering what characteristics might be important to you in
choosing parents for your child (race, religion, age, career,
education level, have other children, marital status, financial
stability etc.), reading profiles
of waiting families that have those characteristics, and then
choosing the family or families you would like to get to know
better. Once you have chosen a family to get to know, you will
have time to ask questions about the family, speak with the adoptive
parents, meet the adoptive parents, and decide if this is a family
with whom you would like to make an adoption plan. To begin thinking
about adoptive parents, go to: Thinking
About Adoptive Parents.
Do I have to tell the father of my
baby that I am considering adoption?
The answer to
this question depends on your particular situation. Fathers have
rights too, and their rights need to be addressed in every adoption.
To be sure that the adoption plan you make is secure for you and
your child, it is helpful to have as much information and support
from the father as possible. If you are not comfortable communicating
with the father, we will work with him separately to collect information
and discuss his involvement in the adoption. top
Should
I tell anyone else that I am considering adoption?
Yes. It is helpful
to tell those people in your life who you feel might offer you
support during your pregnancy and during the adoption process.
Although you may be concerned about how your parents, siblings,
extended family or friends might react to the fact that you are
pregnant and considering adoption, they know you best and can
probably offer you the best support. You may also wish to tell
your doctor, counselor or someone else who you rely on for impartial
advice. top
Who names
the baby?
You may name your baby
if you wish or you may decide to have the adoptive parents you
have selected name the baby. In either case, the name on the
original birth certificate will be the name that you select or
the first name that the adoptive parents select and your last
name. When the adoption is legally finalized, a new birth certificate
will be issued that has the adoptive family’s last name. top
Will
I be able to see the baby in the hospital?
Yes, if you wish. You
are in charge of what happens in the hospital. We will talk with
you about who you would like to have in the delivery room, whether
you want to hold the baby, whether you wish to name the baby,
whether you wish to have the baby go straight to the nursery,
whether you wish to visit with the baby, when and how you want
the adoptive parents to first see the baby, whether you wish for
other family members and friends to come and see the baby in the
hospital etc. After we have discussed what you would like to
have happen, we will all work together with the adoptive parents
and hospital staff to make a plan that feels comfortable for everyone.
top
What
if my baby is not healthy?
This is clearly the
worst nightmare of any birth or adoptive parent. If such a crisis
arises, we are here to provide the special care and support that
you may need. The adoptive parents that you have selected may
not be ready to bear the added financial and emotional burden
of parenting a health-impaired child, but many other couples are
ready, willing and able to support such a child. We will work
with you to find an appropriate family and to be sure that the
child is well cared for in the interim. There is never any guarantee
that a baby will be healthy, but good prenatal care and a healthy
diet will help to increase the chance that you will have a healthy
baby. top
Can
I work with Bright Futures if I don’t live in Massachusetts?
Yes. Our adoptive families
are prepared to travel to adopt a baby so you will still be able
to choose an adoptive family for your child and meet the adoptive
family. If you live too far away for us provide in-person counseling,
we will arrange for you to work with an adoption agency in your
state to obtain whatever services you may need in connection with
making an adoption plan for your baby. top
Why
would an adoptive family want to parent my baby?
There is no one reason
why a couple or individual chooses to adopt a child. Some
adoptive parents have struggled with infertility or the loss of
a child. Others have decided that they want to adopt to support
their community, because they were adopted or for other reasons.
top
What
do I have to do legally to place my child?
In order to place
your child with the adoptive parents you have selected, you will
need to surrender your right to parent your child. This means
that you will be asked to sign a “consent” or “surrender” that
says that you wish to surrender your child to the care and custody
of Bright Futures for the purpose of adoption.
In Massachusetts, the “consent”
or “surrender” cannot be signed until at least the fourth day
after your baby is born. In Massachusetts the “consent” or “surrender”
must say that it is final and cannot be revoked. This means that
once you sign the “consent” or “surrender” you may not change
your mind and decide to parent your baby. When you sign the “consent”
or “surrender” you will sign it in front of witnesses and a notary
public who will confirm with you that you are signing voluntarily
and that no one has forced you to sign.
If your baby is born in another
state, the rules about when a “consent” or “surrender” can be
signed, what the “consent” or “surrender” might say and whether
you have a right to change your mind after you sign the “consent”
or “surrender” will be different. Bright Futures will work with
you to be sure that you have an attorney or agency in the state
where your baby is born to help you understand the process and
result of a voluntary surrender in your state. top
Does
my baby have to go to foster care?
The answer to
this question depends on the laws of the state where your baby
is born. In Massachusetts, you have two choices: (i) your baby
can go home from the hospital with the adoptive parents that you
have selected, or (ii) your baby can go to foster care until you
sign the “consent” or “surrender.” In other states, the state
may require that the baby go to foster care for a specified period
of time (a few days to a few weeks). Foster care in adoption
is different than foster care in situations of abuse and neglect.
Our foster homes are specially selected by us and only handle
infants waiting for adoption. Someone in the foster home typically
has some connection to adoption and our foster parents want to
be sure that the babies they care for get a loving and nurturing
start in life. top
How
will I know my baby is okay after placement? Can I see my baby
after the placement? Can I talk to the adoptive parents?
When you have selected
the adoptive parents you wish to work with, we will work with
you and with the adoptive parents to determine what kind of ongoing
contact you would like to have with the adoptive family and with
your child. You may wish to stay in contact by telephone, email,
letters and pictures, visits or some combination. How much contact
you have will depend on where you live, what type of relationship
you have and whether you trust one another.
At Bright Futures it is one of
our goals to help birth and adoptive parents get to know and respect
one another. For some families, it takes longer to gain respect
and trust for one another. Some birth parents and adoptive parents
really hit it off and enjoy one another’s company. They are likely
to have more frequent and more face-to-face contact. Some birth
parents and adoptive parents feel they need to take time to get
to know one another and establish trust before they have any significant
contact. These families may start off with less contact (letters,
occasional phone calls, emails) and gradually move to more frequent
and trusting contact (regular phone contact, visits). top
